What decade is this again?

I hit the Pentagon City Mall this weekend to buy a dress for an upcoming wedding. It never ceases to amaze me that 80s fashion has made a comeback. I mean, I rocked the 80s hair with the best of them and worshiped Molly Ringwald's style in Sixteen Candles and Breakfast Club... but in retrospect, the 80s were not the pinnacle of fashion.

In fact, we seem trapped in the 80s and early 90s in several aspects of pop culture. Maybe in some small way we are trying to re-live the good ole days, back before the terrorism threat color spectrum, Britney Spears, and reality TV "grief porn" that caters to our basest desires to watch people struggle to overcome adversity, be it obesity or an obstacle course.

A few examples:

HAVEN'T I HEARD THIS BEFORE? During the first half of 2008, Bon Jovi and Bruce Springsteen had the two highest grossing concert tours, followed by Van Halen at #3 and the Police at #10. Madonna kicked off her new world tour this weekend. I guess when the musical alternatives are Miley Cyrus, the Jonas Brothers, American Idol retreads, and a collection of nameless bands that all sound like Nickelback, it is best to go old school when forking out $250 for a concert ticket.

HAVEN'T I SEEN THIS BEFORE? The fall TV lineup also has a retro flavor. Remember when those crazy kids Brandon and Brenda moved from Minnesota to Beverly Hills and tackled timely issues like teen pregnancy, anorexia, and whether to hit the Peach Pit After Dark before curfew? And remember how everyone at West Beverly High looked like they were about 30, receding hairlines and all? Well, someone at the CW thought that Beverly Hills, 90210 needed revisiting, so we get a new "edgy, contemporary" 90210 this fall, complete with Jennie Garth and Shannen Doherty, who really are in their 30s now and have promised not to get into another fist fight. Not to be outdone, NBC is giving us a "reinvented, updated" Knight Rider, sans The Hoff and his furry man-chest.

WHY WON'T THIS GUY GO AWAY? David Hasselhoff, an 80s icon, is everywhere these days. He's on that terrible but popular show America's Got Talent, ironically judged by The Hoff and Sharon Osbourne. He's been in the tabloids for his messy divorce and even messier fall off the wagon. And now, he has formed his own social networking site, HoffSpace, to allow people from around the world to "come together and get a conversation started over me." Seriously. As of this morning, HoffSpace had 14,712 members, all furiously friending each other and gathering in worship. Maybe we should send The Hoff over to Russia to settle its dispute with Georgia.

THE COLD WAR WAS MORE CUT-AND-DRY THAN THE WAR ON TERROR. In addition to its fashion and classic coming-of-age movies, the 80s were defined by the Cold War. In that regard, the recent skirmish between Russia and Georgia (this Georgia, not that Georgia) seems very retro. Presidential hopeful John McCain seems almost relieved to be talking about the evil Russian empire instead of Osama bin Laden and the economy, saying "We're all Georgians now." The sad thing is... McCain has experienced a bump in the polls because of his rhetoric on Georgia, even though I guarantee you the majority of Americans can't find (non-confederate) Georgia on a map. But, thanks to awesome 1980s movies like Spies Like Us and decades of us-versus-them rhetoric, Americans think Russians are sinister. It's quite striking how the news media has embraced the story arc of the big bad Russian bear invading the innocent neighboring democracy, even though Georgia picked the fight and has a dubious human rights track record of its own.

I admit, growing up, I was scared to death of nuclear war. I remember puking after hearing that Ronald Reagan had bombed Libya in 1986, even though the whole thing had little to do with the USSR. (I had yet to fine-tune my foreign policy analysis). In the 6th grade, I participated in this nerdy competition called "Future Problem Solving." Our task was to answer this question: "The USSR has launched a nuclear missile at the United States. You are the President. What do you do?" The other nerds and I came up with an ingenious plan to erect a giant plastic bubble that could repel the nuclear missile. Surprisingly, we didn't win.