A dragon lives forever, but not so little boys

I love it when I read an article in the Wall Street Journal that sounds like an article from The Onion, like this one: When Good Lizards Go Bad: Komodo Dragons Take Violent Turn.

When good lizards go bad? We aren't talking about the fucking gecko from the car insurance commercials going postal. These are FUCKING DRAGONS. What did you expect?

The article discusses recent encounters between humans and the dragons living in Indonesia's Komodo National Park, which is home to 2,500 dragons and nearly 4,000 people. The locals claim that the "once-friendly dragons have turned into vicious man-eaters" and blame ... wait for it ... American environmentalists (pussies) for the dragons' collective bad mood.

Now, Americans--even American environmentalists--are more than capable of turning altruism on its head, meddling in local affairs, and making matters worse. No question. But in this case, the villagers are claiming that the Nature Conservancy, like some sort of eco-mistress, has destroyed the locals' relationship with the dragons, making them go all Glenn Close on humans. Basically, the Nature Conservancy, the dirty whore managing the park, ended the locals' practice of domesticating the dragons by feeding them deer parts and sacrificial goats.

Sadly, a little boy died a year ago when a dragon attacked him while he was peeing in the jungle in the middle of the night. But, as the PR flack for the Indonesian subsidiary of the Nature Conservancy said, maybe the boy "shouldn't have crouched like a prey species in a place where dragons live."

BECAUSE THEY ARE FUCKING DRAGONS.

The article notes that Komodo National Park's human population is much larger than it used to be; as such, humans are encroaching more and more upon dragon habitat. The dragons can smell what mama is cooking in the hut and get hungry. Without the sacrificial goats tied to the hitching post, they look for the next best thing. Little Johnny. Or, in this case, little Mansur.

Although I certainly don't wish upon a star that wild animals will maim little boys or anyone else for that matter, I have little sympathy for people attacked by bears and other animals in the wilderness, caged animals at the zoo, or "tamed" animals in the circus. The animals have their instincts, and we have ours. Our instincts tell us that we are morally superior to Mother Nature, entitled to do as we wish, and therefore immune to her fury. A wild animal's instinct, if triggered, is to remind us how wrong we are.

In 2001, a Komodo dragon kept in the Los Angeles Zoo tried to eat the foot of Phil Bronstein, Sharon Stone's (now ex) husband. But really, who could blame the dragon? I mean, check out the photo. Between the eyebrows and the awesome two-tone mustache, he looks delicious. And probably kosher.