No one will really be free until nerd persecution ends.

I think I found my calling on Craigslist (hat tip to my soccer teammate who pointed me toward this ad):

LOCAL FRATERNITY SEEKING HOUSE MOTHER
We are looking a female roommate between 35-50 years old and divorced. We need a “house mom”, who can help advise us on all matters pertinent to the college male: women, alcohol, school work, etc. Potential roommate must like to party, socialize extensively with younger men, and provide motherly comfort. Applicant must be comfortable with tenants referring to her as “mom.” This is the chance of a lifetime, do not pass it up! So if you fit our description and our [sic] looking for a rejuvenating life experience, please contact us immediately!

I am willing to bet good money that this 'frat' is a bunch of guys from the George Washington University math club who live in a group house in Foggy Bottom. And that sounds awesome. What would be better than playing house with a bunch of nerds? After all, as philosopher Lewis Skolnick noted, jocks only think about sports, nerds only think about sex. We could have crazy nerd orgies where we screen old episodes of the X-Files and Battlestar Galactica, smoke pot while talking about the meaning of pi, and play nerd 'truth or dare':

Nerd: Would you rather live in the ascendancy of a civilization or during its decline?
Me: Poindexter, do you want to fuck or what?

Some people blame Hollywood for desensitizing kids to violence...I blame Hollywood for making me wanting to hang out with nerds by bombarding me with images of nerd triumph during my formative years. I mean, who didn't want to be Kelly LeBrock in 1985's Weird Science? I worshiped her ability to rock the 80s hair and spandex while giving Anthony Michael Hall and the other guy the courage to stand up to a biker gang. And who didn't want to hang out with Lamar in 1984's Revenge of the Nerds? He's got a rockin' rhythm and a hi-tech sound that'll make you move your body down to the ground, after all.

Who am I kidding. I can't blame Hollywood. I came out of the womb a nerd. As a kid I used to study the Encyclopedia and take notes about astronomy in a spiral notebook. I wore sweat pants to junior high. I went to math camp. And I haven't grown out of it. I now own X-Files action figures. I love creating databases. I like debating the finer points of grammar.

I'd make an awesome nerd house mom. Too bad the 'frat' is looking for a divorcée.