My hair is racist.

This weekend, after experiencing yet another bad haircut, I made a solemn vow: I am never going to let an Asian man or woman cut my hair again.

I have had my hair cut on several occasions by men and woman of varying Asian descent--Korean, Japanese, Chinese, Vietnamese. In general, these stylists spoke poor English, suggesting to me they were recent immigrants (as opposed to second or third generation) who likely received much of their early training in Asia. With Asian clients.

Asian hair, in general, is bone straight and thin. My hair, on the other hand, was tailor-made for the 1980s: big, wavy, full of texture, and easily shellacked into gravity-defying shapes.

Every time an Asian stylist cuts my hair, I hate it. They either (a) cut my hair all one length, allowing my hair to settle into an unflattering triangle shape, or (b) cut too-short layers into my hair, giving me a little Sarah Palin up-do poof without the folksy charm.

Conclusion based on anecdotal evidence: Asian stylists don't know how to cut my hair. I'm sure that this isn't true across the board, and I've never had an Indian or Pakistani stylist, but ... I vowed this weekend, after yet another triangle-shaped haircut, NEVER AGAIN.

The difficulty, of course, comes when calling to make an appointment at a salon. When the receptionist suggests a stylist, I can't ask, at least not without sounding icky, "Is he Asian?"

So, this morning, I call a new salon to make another appointment to get rid of my triangle hair. I make an appointment to see a guy named Frank. I don't ask his ethnicity and instead roll the dice that Frank is a white boy's name.

Wrong. Turns out Frank is Asian, too. Don't they make flaming homosexual white male hairstylists in DC?

Of course, I let Frank cut my hair anyway. I told him over and over that my hair is wavy, that I like it wavy, that I am low-maintenance, and that I rarely blow my hair dry. He spent many, many minutes blowing dry my new Posh Spice hairdo and using a flat iron to straighten it.

My hair looks kinda cute now, but I won't know its true nature until I wash it and let it do its thing. So, the judgment is out on Frank. Will he buck my Asian stylist stereotype, or will he be Exhibit F proving that my hair is racist?