FOR SALE: Frosty genitals

Americans are justifiably bullshit-pissed about the $700 billion bailout of Wall Street, especially since the executives who reigned over the whole mess are going home at night to their mansions with regulation-sized squash courts. While these executives are sleeping soundly in their 400 thread count Egyptian cotton sheets, Americans are buying billions in the most toxic mortgage-backed securities that no one else wants.

This site is why I love the Internets: www.buymyshitpile.com. This site allows you to use a form to "submit bad assets you'd like the government to take off your hands. And remember, when estimating the value of your 1997 limited edition Hanson single CD MMMbop, it's not what you can sell these items for that matters, it's what you think they are worth." My favorite things that people have posted:

Snow Penis: $5 million

Hannah Montana 3-D Glasses: $200,000

23 Pairs of "Like New" Men's Underwear: $963.97

My Girlfriend: $99.99

I don't really have any assets, unless you count my X-Files collection. (After the disastrous X-Files movie, this might count as a "bad" asset that needs to be marked down.)

I think I would like to sell my piece-o-crap TV that has wood paneling on the side. You have to whack it just right to make the sound work sometimes. But it turns on! PRICE: I would like a snow penis, please.