To the guy behind me in the interminable airport security line who has been whistling for the last 20 minutes:
SHUT THE FUCK UP!
Do you really think anyone wants to hear your painfully off-key rendition of whatever little ditty you are composing in your head? Do you think this is creating a positive, relaxing ambiance for your fellow travelers?
It's not. You are the squeaky wheel of a dysfunctional shopping cart. You are the squeaky floorboard of an annoying upstairs neighbor. You are a squeaky door that prevents a horny teenager from sneaking out of his parents' house.
Did the numerous people turning around to give you the Stink Eye not clue you in? Or did you take this as encouragement to continue to torture your captive audience?
Forget waterboarding. The CIA should hire YOU.
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