Let's take a moment to admire the fine Chinese craftsmanship.

Since the media can't question the beliefs or experience of Sarah Palin without facing accusations of sexism, it is up to the free market to answer the question, who is Sarah Palin?

By introducing the first line of Sarah Palin action figures, the free market is alerting potential voters that she is either (a) an android with man-hands in an androgynous pantsuit; (b) Baby One More Time Britney; or (c) Lara Croft, if Lara Croft shopped at Forever 21.















The ENORMOUS nerd in me wonders ... could my X-Files Scully action figure take on the Palin action figure in a dance-off or bar brawl? Some factors to consider:

HAIR: PalinActionFigure has an up-do that works in the office but looks awkward on the dance floor. ScullyActionFigure's hair is red and cut in a cute bob that looks awesome when doing the running man. EDGE: ScullyActionFigure

SUIT: PalinActionFigure's suit is reminiscent of X-Files Seasons 1-3 Taupe Pantsuit Scully, before the show could afford a stylist and decided to throw a bone to the horny nerds on the Internets who saw Scully as a "thinking man's crumpet." EDGE: ScullyActionFigure

BODY: PalinActionFigure is 12 inches tall and has 21 points of articulation. ScullyActionFigure stands 6 inches tall and can bend only her elbows. Also, in addition to having cankles, ScullyActionFigure's leg is contorted in such a way that she has to lean on MulderActionFigure just to stand upright. EDGE: PalinActionFigure

WEAPONS: PalinActionFigure comes equipped with a leg-holstered .45 handgun to shoot moose, abortion doctors, and rogue Russians crossing the Bering Strait. ScullyActionFigure has a 1998-sized cell phone that doesn't even have a texting plan or Bluetooth capacity. EDGE: PalinActionFigure

Wow, we are neck and neck here.

So, like any good contest, like say, a presidential race, I am going to base my decision on how they look from the neck up.

FACE: PalinActionFigure's face is frozen in an expression that says, "If you even think of having premarital sex, reading a blasphemous Harry Potter book, or contradicting God's will, I will scorch your soul with my Bionic Eye Lasers (after I take off my $600 Kazuo Kawasaki glasses, of course)." ScullyActionFigure's face, frozen in her trademarked look of skepticism and consternation, seems to be saying, "If you even think of hurting my AlienBaby or hitting on MulderActionFigure after he gets out of rehab for his sex addiction, I will fuck your shit up." EDGE: ScullyActionFigure for being a bad-ass.

Scully wins! And I am a NERD with too much time on her hands!